What support do I have?
This workout will help you to identify the emotional support you have and any areas where you might need to strengthen your support system.
A problem for many of us is that we often expect most of our support to come from one or two people. This can often put a great deal of pressure on those individuals. Also, we need so many different kinds of support that a few people almost certainly could not possibly satisfy all of our needs.
Print out a copy of Types of support (PDF 61KB)
Look at the different kinds of support that people have suggested they value. Enter the names of people you know who can or do provide that kind of support for you.
Here's an example to get you started:
A - Someone I can talk through problems with.
My best friend Janet, my daughter Kim, my sister Annette.
B - Someone who knows how to get things done.
My husband, my brother Tony, Sheila from my book group.
Once you've completed the task, count up how many times the same people appear.
A frequent result of this exercise is that we find that many of our eggs are in the one basket. Most commonly, a partner has to bear the whole brunt of supporting us. They not only provide for most of our emotional, physical and psychological needs, but they often have to 'pick up the pieces' in the evening if we have had a hard day, or sit and watch us in a couch potato or zombie state.
Expecting a partner to provide all our support needs:
- is likely to be very unfair and even stressful to them
- means we are missing out on other expertise
- is high-risk because they may not always be there.
This may need explaining to a partner because if they care for you they will want to be everything to you. If you care for them, however, you shouldn't expect them to take on board all of your various support needs. And, of course, vice-versa. Discuss it together!
And don't forget - the healthiest and most valuable support systems have breadth and depth. They are multi-faceted and diverse.
