Stuck in the middle

Paula Jakes reports on the challenges we face as our life-roles and responsibilities change.

Ever feel caught between your parents and your children? It's highly likely that you are part of what's called the 'sandwich generation' - people in mid-life who support parents, children and even grandchildren. And often manage to squeeze in a job or career too!

We play many roles in our lifetime, including those of child, student, parent, citizen and partner. As we get older, our roles change, perhaps from parent to grandparent or child to carer. Satisfaction can come from watching our loved ones grow and supporting them. In the words of John from Hull, many of us derive 'a sense of fulfillment from raising a family'.

Carry on supporting
In today's world, however, many people continue to fill the role of carer long after their children have flown the nest. Providing financial support for our kids lasts a lot longer than it did for previous generations, with more and more twenty-somethings needing our help to complete a college or university course, buy a house or start their own family.

Grandchildren are a delight and a blessing, but in supporting the young families, we give our time and often money. A recent study conducted by Age Concern found that one in four grandparents care for their grandchildren on a regular basis.

And according to a MoneyExpert.com poll from September 2007, 40% of UK parents have helped their adult offspring pay off debts. This includes help with overdrafts and mortgage repayments. Some parents are even taking on joint mortgages with their children, because getting on the property ladder is so tricky these days.

You're not alone
But maybe that stage of life is still a long way off or simply doesn't apply. Instead, it might be parents, older relatives, partners or friends who are becoming more dependent and need our support. It's often the tension between the conflicting demands of raising children and caring for ageing parents that can be particularly stressful.

Depending on who you believe, unpaid carers save the NHS between £21bn and £87bn due to the selfless support provided by friends and family members. Some juggle this care with a job and other commitments, and some find they have to give up working entirely.

A 2007 report published by financial services company LV= found that over six million people in the UK dedicate 33 hours or more each month to care for elderly parents. That's almost a working week's worth of assistance.

Where do we find the time?
Caring for someone who depends on your support is a demanding job, whether it's a partner, parent or friend. Not to mention your paid work, children and other commitments. So it's important not to forget your own needs.

Carers UK, the charity campaigning on behalf of Britain's unpaid carers, found that 65% of people asked felt that their own health had been affected by their caring responsibilities.

What can we do to help?
If you are a carer of any kind, make sure you take regular breaks, eat well and exercise, and ensure there's always someone on hand to talk to. A carer's allowance from the Government can relieve some of the financial pressure, and there are plenty of organisations out there who can provide the practical and emotional support you might need. We've listed a few in the Explore more... panel on this page.

Social networks
Adjusting to new roles as we get older can be difficult. But it's not all stress and strain. Responsibility can lead to a sense of value and contentment - in fact, when asked, 95% of 'sandwich generation' carers in the US said they were 'satisfied with life in general'.1

Not everyone takes on the role of a carer in later life. But the chances are that we all know someone who has. So support the carers you know, whether they are friends, family, colleagues or neighbours. You might just get a warm and tingly feeling.

Have you got a story to tell? Or any comments or questions about this article? If so, contact us today!

1 General Social Survey

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quote startOne in four grandparents care for their grandchildren on a regular basis and 40% of quote endUK parents have helped their adult offspring pay off debts.

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