John Lennon's famous remark that 'life is what happens while you're busy making plans' was absolutely right. Just when you think things are under control, life has a nasty habit of pulling the rug out from under you - something particularly true for us over 50s. The death of a loved one, divorce, unplanned redundancy and serious illness are all examples of major life changes that can knock us for six when we least expect it.

If that sounds a bit bleak then don't despair. Everyone can, to some extent at least, make the best of these events - it's just a question of knowing how. Successful living is about managing major life transitions, not trying to avoid them. After all, change is inevitable, so it pays to be prepared.

The first thing to do is sort out the difference between 'change' and 'transition'. A change can happen quickly but its impact - the transition - may last for weeks, months or even years. A transition is literally life-changing. Afterwards, things won't ever be quite the same again.

A good place to start is understanding the process of transition. Psychological studies show that our feelings during a transition fall into seven distinct stages - numbness, denial, depression, letting go, testing, finding meaning and acceptance. It's important to remember that we need to go through all seven stages - however briefly - before the transition process is complete. Often we try to avoid the depression part, but it's only when we permit ourselves to grieve that we can truly move forward. Understanding the various stages of transition is the first step to moving forward.

All of which is far easier said than done.
Not surprisingly many people are afraid of change. But transitions aren't all negative - in fact the first trick of good transition management is to look on every transition, no matter how bleak, as an opportunity to make something positive happen in your life.

The next trick is to take charge and be proactive. Often we don't choose a transition - they choose us - but that doesn't mean we have to be passive about the whole experience. When something big happens we've basically got three choices: refuse to accept it; accept it but just 'put up' with it; or accept it and try to benefit from it. You won't be surprised to hear that the latter is by far the best course of action.

So what can you do?
There are a number of things you can do to ride the wave of a major life transformation. Your physical well-being is important - being fit and healthy are big advantages. Relaxation techniques are worth investigating as they can prevent you from becoming too uptight, while a regular routine can act as an anchor point when everything else is changing. Turning to friends and relations for support will also help reduce stress. And don't blame yourself - destructive self-criticism is exactly that - destructive. Another important tip is to manage your transitions one at a time - there's no sense in overwhelming yourself by taking on too much. Finally, remember that old cliché - time is a great healer.

As you can see, with the right approach even major transitions can be successfully managed. Attitude is everything. In The journey is the reward we explain how learning to embrace the many transitions we go through in life is the key to coping. Second time around examines how some people are using their parenting skills to enjoy the fulfilment of becoming a foster parent. Lastly, in Mind the gap we take a look at the growing phenomena of mature people taking a gap year to see the world and enjoy new experiences. It's up to us to create our own futures - all we need is the courage to do it.

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